VINNIE HERE! HAVE I GOT THE PRODUCT FOR YOU. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? (audience applause)
In the spirit of Billy Mays, let me show you the product for all your needs – it slices, it dices, it trims hair, your dog’s coat, your lawn, it grows hair on your head and in a little terracotta pottery dish and in upside down planters. It will steal your money. … But that’s not all! ACT NOW and you’ll receive, not one but TWO FREE GIFTS along with your payment of $14 thousand dollars every two weeks for just SIX WEEKS! That’s about a dollar a day and change by the Venutian exchange rate so you won’t have to cut into your 12 coffee a day habit and will still have money left over for QVC Gold Jewelry days!
For all of you who just LOVE TV – and there should be many of you who are reading this blog – to get the absolute most out of your life, you need the new TV HAT. Yes, you heard right: the TV HAT. We’re not going to hide the TV in the frames of your glasses or make a wrist-TV, the likes of which James Bond would be envious all in his martini. We’re going to slip that TV over your eyes by way of a HAT! Get Smart! Get one today! This is no fancy shoe phone. As someone called it, it’s a “feedbag for your head.”
Duck inside and watch full living color. No more will you have to be disturbed by the real world. Going to the beach? Shield yourself from the sun AND get in a dose of golf or 30 year old reruns of Wide World of Sports. AND THERE’S MORE! ACT NOW and you will receive your choice of color! Buy one in each color to coordinate your wardrobe.
Is a full on hat too much for you? Order the popular VISOR! Comes complete with neck protector, because, when you start having fits of laughter and no one knows what you are looking at, you’re liable to bust a gut and give yourself whiplash all at the same time!
No more will you have to watch TV in the cold den while your spouse goes to the warm bed. Instead of snuggling for warmth and sharing a quiet romantic evening, wear your hat to bed and take in the late late show to the comforting snoring of your sleeping spouse.
How did we ever get to the 21st century without this product?
Anonymous testimonial: “The TV HAT ™ has changed my life. No more will I ever miss an episode of All My Children. Speaking of which.. where’d my children go? Ralph? Ralph? Where are the kids?!! Hey. Ralph.. where did YOU go???! Anyone??”
THIS HAS BEEN A PRODUCT UN-PLACEMENT. Proudly un-supporting TVs and TV products for one whole day and counting.
Now back to your regularly scheduled program.
Life Without TV. For a happier world. For a happier you.